False modesty, categorization and the search for self-worth

I love Belinda.

Okay, so I know it's an odd beginning to this post, but stick with me for a minute. I work with a woman named Belinda. I haven't known her for a long time, but we liked each other the moment we met. She is a woman who, I have found, has my back. She knows what I struggle with. I know she prays for me and thankfully those prayers have carried me through the last month.

Belinda is also black.

I'm not a person who looks at someone's color or so I thought. She made a comment, that we were both strong women. I said, quite enviously, that I wished I was a strong, black woman. Then she said something to me.

It doesn't make any difference.

We grew up differently. Belinda says that she was raised to have a strong self image. She knows how to read and talk to people, a gift that I frankly wish I had. I was raised the third out of four children. I had difficulties growing up. I was always the one the kids targeted and made fun of. I never understood why. Maybe I was perceived as stuck up or stupid. Who knows?

Truth was, I was just a scared kid. The psychologist at school said that my parents didn't pay enough attention to me. My mother didn't know how to help me. So I grew up, always thinking that I wasn't worthy. Maybe it was my Catholic upbringing. Who knows?

I've struggled with a poor self-image most of my life. I think most women do. But God never meant for women or men to feel that way about themselves. I was raised not to act too proud or too immodest, there have been times in my life where I've almost taken that concept a bit too far.

False modesty.

False modesty is a sin. Where in the world does it say that putting yourself down gets you anywhere in life? And why do people think they are so unworthy? I've wasted so much time being afraid and letting fear rule my life. I want to break free and use the gifts that God gave me to make a difference in this world. True, I will still make bad decisions or say the wrong thing (or things), but there is forgiveness. Good does come out of bad, whether it's a self-realization or a good change in a relationship.

Good happens.

Belinda is right. We are all strong women, a force for good in the world. It's not our color or they way we look. It is truly about the "content of our character."

Until next time.....