The eyes are a window....

I’m feeling very frustrated right now. 

I’ve been sick all day with some sort of virus which makes everything come out like water (sorry to be so gross). To add insult to injury, my left eye has been red since Saturday for no apparent reason.

Or so I thought.

I went to the doctor on Saturday, just the usual monthly tune-up. My doctor is a naturopath. She can usually tell when I'm getting a cold days before I start sneezing. On this bright, early Saturday morning, other than my eye, I'm feeling good.  

"Your joints are achy, lately, aren't they?"

I smile. "You're right, as usual. So, since we're on the topic, what's wrong with my eye?"

"Liver," she says quickly.

"Okay," I say, wanting to know more. "What has the liver and the eye have in common? I'm eating better, watching the sugar."

“True, but as you work things out, other things come up. You're fighting a battle, aren't you?"

"I guess. Writing has been difficult lately."

Then she says something that sticks with me. Your eyes are the window of your soul."

"Hmm," I say, saying nothing more. Life has been a battle for the last three years. Marital difficulties. Work difficulties. Physical difficulties. 

It's been a journey.

The battle has been always there, though lately, it's been easier. Maybe it's having a different perspective, knowing that I can't change a whole lot. Things at work have been better. This summer has been an especially wonderful one. The children I've been working with are a joy and a pleasure. We've shared many days at the playground, reading stories, playing at the splash park. They even understand when I can’t sit on the floor at the end of the day because my joints hurt so much from bending all day. 

But the battle I fight these days is with my writing. I've always loved to write since I was a kid. I always kind of imagined myself as a teacher (which I am) and a writer. To that end, I began working on a novel. I’ve been working on the same novel for almost three years. 

It’s not done yet.

A few months ago, I started a blog, called "A work in progress." 

I don’t think anyone has read it yet.

And yet, I sit here, writing a blog that no one reads, wondering why I do this. It should be easy, writing a book or a blog. Snooki from the Jersey Shore did it, though why anyone would buy a book written by someone with a mile-high bee hive is beyond me. Or that Luann from the Real Housewives wrote an etiquette book, though why anyone would want to read an etiquette book by someone who calls everyone "darling" and talks down to the whole world mystifies me. 

Nope. Not downloading either one of these books to my Kindle anytime soon. 

So again, I ask the question. Why do I write.

Because I love it. There is something about putting your thoughts down on paper or telling a story that is so satisfying. 

It's part of me, the something I want to share with the world.

So, while Luann and Snooki are off doing their new "thang," I'll still be writing. My battle will be finishing my first novel in the next six months. My goal is to be published. My dream? To write full time, to tell stories of real people that battle and win...

Until next time.